Pleasure Without Limits?

David Schnarch talks about building your sexual potential as a way of gaining great pleasure and satisfaction during sex.

This may help if your relationship has become dull, your sex life is feeling boring, and your interest and libido are fading. His recipe for a passionate relationship can certainly help to improve the level of pleasure you experience. It can also greatly enhance your ability to please your partner.

To repeat: this is about exploring your sexual potential. And in fact, more specifically, it’s about raising your total level of sexual stimulation far beyond normal. That’s well above the point where you simply come, achieve pleasure, or reach orgasm.

Transcendent Sex

As Scharch explains, the object of this level of sexual pleasure is not about a bigger or an extended orgasm. No, it’s about something that goes beyond pure “bodily function”. Interestingly enough, when we take sex into the spiritual realm, as he seems to be suggesting, problems such as sexual dysfunction and low desire become much less important.

Video – Transcendent Sex

This means exploring your sexual potential to the utmost is a route to greater sexual pleasure for you and your partner. And it’s also a way to learn how to please a woman. Most importantly it’s also an opportunity to experience something intensely pleasurable which goes far beyond anything you’ve felt in your sex life so far.

Transcendent Sex
Transcendent Sex? Ordinary Sex?

Interestingly enough, he claims this level of pleasure is easier to achieve later in life. He says that by then you’ve worked on many of the different aspects of your being which are necessary to achieve this level of sexual expression. As he rightly observes, pursuing your sexual potential by addressing these issues is a serious matter!

Here are some of the keys to ultimate sexual pleasure.

 Schnarch says the first step in achieving this intense level of sexual pleasure is to deepen your emotional presence in the moment.  What he means is to be more in the “here and now”. This is how you can optimize the depth and breadth of connection to your partner. It’s about being truly together with your partner while you make love.

The second step is to expand the variety of sexual styles, shades of meaning, and experiences you currently use to please your woman and yourself.  You can also extend the length and the variety of your sexual encounters. By simply doing things differently, you can achieve an expansion of your emotional consciousness around sex. This will give you and your partner great pleasure.

The third step is to reduce the anxiety which interferes with your emotional pleasure or connection. This can involve increasing the novelty in your sexual interactions and reducing the level of distraction.

So, for example, this might include having an orgasm while you and your partner look into each other’s eyes. This is something rather unusual – something few people do. He makes clear this is not about just having an “eyes open” orgasm. No, it’s an example of how you can increase the level of stimulation you receive. This will expand both your sexual arousal and the amount of energy you feel at the moment of orgasm.

Fourth in his list of steps along the road to being able to please your woman or man more in bed is all about energy. He says you should expand the emotional energy you exchange with your partner during sex.

This can be achieved by increasing the number of approaches to sexual interaction you have with your partner.

And fifth in his “recommended” list is to enhance your tolerance for anxiety, and your ability to soothe yourself. Self soothing is soothing your own frustrations and disappointments. This, and increasing your ability to tolerate anxiety, are fundamental steps which improve the quality of your sex life.

And then finally, and perhaps unsurprisingly, he suggests you resolve underlying tensions and issues in your relationship. 

This will increase your desire and love towards your partner. By implication,it introduces the possibility of transcendental sex, which is sex that takes you beyond the boundaries of self.

But what does all this actually achieve?

The object of improving sex and developing a more open attitude to sexuality is simply to achieve greater pleasure. This includes a better ability to please your woman (or to please your man) in bed.

You may wonder if simply extending the length, duration and power of orgasm would be sufficient to do this.

Well, no. You see, it’s hard to explain the difference between a powerful orgasm and an orgasm which transcends not only your previous experience but also your sense of self.

Schnarch jokingly refers to sex at the limit of your sexual potential as “wall socket sex”.

That speaks of the astounding power – the “electric jolt” which sex can produce when you’re on the boundaries of your potential level of pleasure.

And it’s not about physical sensations. In fact, it’s about a level of physical and emotional union which is all consuming, combined with “heart stopping intimacy” and profound meaningfulness.

In other words, something that sounds very much like spiritual sex. This is not to suggest there’s anything wrong with physical pleasure.

Far from it! But giving and receiving this level of pleasure is a shock. Intensely erotic and intimate experiences seemingly come out of nowhere.

There are various symptoms of your movement into a transcendent dimension such as time stopping, or external reality fading away. Consciousness changes, he says, into a form “where separate acts seem to blend into a single prolonged event.”

The boundaries between you and your partner shift and some kind of unification takes place. Alterations of perception are common, too. You might see your partner “in a timeless way”. Best of all, perhaps, is the fact that this level of sex can lead to the experience of profound joy. That’s something uncommon in our society today.

And there are other magical experiences (indeed, one might say “mystical” experiences) to be enjoyed during sex of this kind.

For some people, the limits of conventional sexuality and sexual contact constrain pleasure. They stop the pursuit of pleasure and limit the ability to please a woman (or the ability to please a man) and to feel fulfilled and satisfied sexually.

Indeed, many people find the concept of spiritual sex (for want of a better term) to be unsettling. No matter what the level of pleasure it can produce, no matter how pleasing, some people find it frightening. Others enjoy a lifelong pursuit of this experience.

The desire behind this is transformational. The desire to transform yourself, to transform life, to transform the way you see life. This can challenge your very identity.

The Art Of Transcendent Sex

Achieving pleasure at this level is a lifelong pursuit. It requires commitment, effort, and dedication to wa path to self transcendence and spirituality. (As Tantric experts would confirm.)

It seems that in the West we have become confused about sex. We don’t even necessarily see it as a means of giving pleasure any more, but as some kind of obligation. Look at the way adolescents question each other: “Have you had it yet?” “Have you done it yet?” “How many girls have you done?” And so on.

This kind of thinking keeps sex “ordinary” and “conventional”. Sure, it can still be pleasing and indeed very pleasurable. However, this mindset probably leads a lot of people to sexual boredom, and nowhere else.

And this is fascinating. It’s reasonable to assume – for men in particular  – that every sexual interaction concludes with an orgasm.

But if orgasm is truly satisfying to the soul, and pleasing to the human organism, then why are so many people bored with their sex lives? Why do so many search out the novelty and variation of new experiences (either with their existing partner or another one)?

Perhaps the truth is that orgasm alone is not satisfying to us at our deepest level. Perhaps orgasm alone is not pleasing to our natures. Perhaps only sex which reaches the limits of our potential can be truly pleasing to the soul.

Of course, hearing things like this, one can rapidly assume that somehow one is inadequate. 

Reaching the limits of your sexual potential is rather different, though. For one thing, this is not about feeling superior or less than. It’s about being an individual who has taken the time to explore the limits of the human mind and human body in one specific area – that of sexual pleasure. To answer the question of how to please a woman or please a man  in bed.

Making the effort at this level to please your partner is not “normal” – it’s not what most people do.

Yet, to quote Schnarch again, “wall socket sex is potentially available to everyone.”

So this is not about your body, or how your body looks, or the techniques you use during sex. It’s much more about your frame of mind and achieving profound emotional connection with a sex partner.

In fact, the ultimate level of sexual pleasure is about integrating your genitals with your body, and your mind, and your soul.