Body Image And Sexual Pleasure In Women
It may not surprise you to learn that a woman’s self-image – and especially her body image – has an effect on how much she likes sex, how often she has sex, and how often she reaches orgasm.
Women who are satisfied with their bodies have more sex, reach orgasm more often, initiate sex more frequently, enjoy having sex with the lights on more, enjoy trying new sexual behaviours, and enjoy sexually pleasing their partner more, than those who are not happy with their bodies.
Obviously this is because a woman needs to feel attractive to see herself as sexually attractive. So one of the things that you can do as her partner is to constantly reassure her about her attractiveness, both sexually and physically.
You see, women tend to apply much more importance to physical appearance than men do when they’re in a relationship, so even if you think your woman is beautiful, she may well need constant reassurance of that fact.
And even if she isn’t a stunning beauty, you have the power to build her confidence or destroy it, depending on how you talk about her body. Also, you need to be sensitive to the possibility that you might be attracted to other, more beautiful women. So, this plays right into how you pleasure a woman….
Bringing A Woman To Orgasm
What we mean when we talk about “pleasuring a woman” is bringing her to orgasm – giving her sexual satisfaction.
There are many ways you can do this, but basically if it comes to stimulating a woman to orgasm when she’s aroused, the first method is through manual stimulation of her clitoris – the second is through oral stimulation of her clitoris – and the third is through vaginal intercourse.
You might think manual stimulation – or masturbation – is something that only happens in the early stages of a relationship before people become more sexually intimate.
But it can be a good part of any ongoing relationship – particularly where the partners are looking for different ways of playing sexually which can excite and sexually satisfy them.
Indeed, if you haven’t masturbated along with your partner, or watched your partner masturbate, or pleasured your partner by masturbating them, then you’re missing out on some exciting sexual action!
And of course the benefit of finger play is that it’s safe sex – there’s no bodily fluid exchanged. Of course If you have cuts on your hands, then you need to be more careful. But assuming that you’re with a woman who’s open to this kind pleasuring, remember she is not going to want direct touch on her clitoris before she’s had time to get aroused.
If you’ve had the good fortune see how a woman brings herself off, you’ll know the basics – finger movement all around the clitoris, perhaps up and down the sides, and in general, well lubricated movements around the clitoral head. This is what will excite her, with perhaps a final flurry of fast movements across the clitoris to bring her off as she approaches orgasm.
So the golden rule when it comes to clitoral play is to start gently and watch her closely as you apply more pressure, speed or friction, and back off if she shows signs of discomfort, flinching, or lowering arousal.
And of course if she’s too shy to show you what she wants, then it’s up to you to get exploring. Start by caressing her breasts and thighs or stroke her belly or neck with one hand while you use the fingers of the other hand to focus on and around her clitoris.
When she is highly aroused, an alternative is to use the fingers of one hand on her clitoris and the other to penetrate her vagina. Start with one finger, and add more only when she’s aroused or asks you for more!
And make sure you use plenty of lubricant – either her own natural lubricant or something artificial. A good modern lubricant is coconut oil – although grapeseed oil and almond oil are also very good.
Keep in mind the fact that her clitoris is much bigger than the small clitoral head you can see when she’s aroused. The clitoris has “legs” which surround both sides of her vagina, which is one reason why stimulation of the inside of a woman’s vagina can be so pleasurable for her.
But basically, since all women are different, it’s up to you to find out exactly what she wants – you could ask her, or if she’s shy, you could ask her to put her hand over yours and move your fingers in the way that pleases her most.
Manually pleasuring her can be a great way to show her how much you love pleasuring and pleasing her – and it’s an easy way to excite her when you’re not in the mood for sex. It also comes in handy if you happen to have ejaculated before she reaches orgasm. (You wouldn’t do that, now, would you?)
To be her sexual hero, you need to be a master at the art of oral pleasuring. Please don’t try this if you find you have an aversion to the taste or scent to appearance of her vulva – that’s not common, but some men don’t like these things.
If that’s the case for you, then stroke and caress the rest of the body while either using your fingers on her clitoris and vulva, or pleasuring her with a vibrator.
But let’s face it, men are programmed to find the scent and taste of a woman exciting, and there’s no harm in surrendering to your biological desires once in awhile!
She’ll certainly thank you for it, because survey after survey demonstrates that one thing which women find more pleasurable and exciting than just about anything else, and the easiest to reach orgasm with, is oral pleasure from their partner.
Do this for a woman, and do it well, and she’ll be faithful and devoted to you (assuming you’re treating her well in all other ways as well!)
For a woman, oral pleasuring from a man is a real act of love. It’s not just about getting sexual satisfaction in bed; it’s also about her man showing he knows how to pleasure a woman in bed AND that he is interested in pleasing her!
And that’s important – to her, it’s a gesture of your devotion. So make sure you’re both comfortable, there’s plenty of room on the bed – because even if you enjoy oral pleasuring, doing it with a cricked neck isn’t comfortable!
You can put a pillow under her behind, or place one so you can kneel on the floor and lick between her legs as she lies on the bed with her legs over the edge or her knees up and feet flat on the mattress.
The Technique Of Pleasuring
Building anticipation is really important, so proceed slowly – no matter how aroused you might be!
You’ll find your arousal, and most likely your erection, comes and goes as the sexual tension rises and falls during oral pleasuring. That’s no bad thing, because if you maintain an erection throughout the time you’re pleasuring a woman, you may find you ejaculate much sooner than you otherwise would. The golden rule here is “women come first”!
Start by kissing her on the lips, face and neck. Work your way downwards, slowly, kissing her body every few inches, and most especially around her breasts, gradually working your way towards her nipple.
Next, work your way down to her belly, around the belly and gradually approach nearer and nearer to her vulva – but don’t kiss there yet! Swerve off and kiss her thighs, right down to her knees and back up again.
With this kind of teasing, she’s going to really anticipate the kiss on her vulva and clitoris when it finally arrives. Such anticipation can be very pleasurable. And she’ll certainly be pleased with the effort you’re making.
Bear in mind you have to do this with sincerity and dedication – it’s no use trying to convince her you’re enjoying what you’re doing if you’re not.
For example if you’re bored, consciously shift your mind into a place of wanting to pleasure her – because, when you really know how to lick a girl, then you know how to satisfy a woman in bed to the max!
What ladies want in bed is exactly this – something which shows your commitment to pleasuring her, something which demonstrates you really do know the best ways to satisfy a woman in bed.
When you judge she’s ready (and give her plenty of time for this), proceed slowly by kissing all the way around her vulva and labia. Let your tongue move up and down both sides of her pussy, and then gently work your way into the opening.
The more aroused she is, the more she’s going to open up for you – if she shows any signs of closing her legs or moving her body away from you, then you need to go back to the rest of her body and pay more attention to her non-sexual areas to arouse her further.
When she becomes conscious of her desire, and completely satisfied this is what she wants, she’s going to open up to you.
Perhaps the major thing which will influence whether or not she can do this is how much she trusts you; she also needs to believe you’re confident and knowledgeable about what you’re doing, and how much you’re actually enjoying the experience with her.
When your woman is very aroused, you can begin to move directly to the underside of her clitoris, perhaps making slow strokes all the way up from her vaginal opening across her urethral opening (the so-called “U spot”), and onto the inside of her clitoris.
But guidelines like this are literally only that – guidelines, because all women are not the same! (And even the same woman likes something different from one day to the next.)
In general a good rule to follow is that when she starts moaning with pleasure, you’ve found a hotspot – so “keep on keeping on” in the same place, until she reaches orgasm, and remember that she may not want you to move faster or harder until she is very near orgasm.