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Men – How To Satisfy Your Lover In Bed!

How To Enjoy Your Most Pleasurable Lovemaking Ever!

Most women don’t come during intercourse. That’s why you need to know how to please a woman in bed.

After all, it’s only fair.

So what’s the problem? Well, simply that many men don’t really know how to get a woman off. Make her orgasm, call it what you will. 

If that includes you, take heart, because you’re about to get all the tips you need to leave any woman with a smile on her face!

As a man, pleasuring a woman, making her happy and fulfilled, taking her to orgasm, is almost a duty. Even better, you feel good when you know how to really please a woman in bed!? It’s win-win for you both….

By the way, I’ve been guided here by Maxim’s instructions on how to satisfy a woman. These tips are based on an article they called “The 18 Things Women Love Most about Sex”.

And although I wouldn’t want you to think these are the only ways to satisfy a woman, the truth is that useful tips like these do explain some of the sexual principles behind female pleasure that you might not know…. yet!

How To Please Her – Step by Step

1. Start By Kissing Her Sensitively (Or Passionately).

To start with, kissing is high on the list of things that please women. Of course you have to be good at it – which means not being drunk, not being sloppy, not being haphazard, and not being a bloke who’s insensitive to what his woman’s feeling.

As for technique – well, apparently one study shows that if man and woman both tilt their heads to the right when kissing, it’s more arousing for the woman. Go figure. You might also like to look into her eyes and gently hold her face with one or both hands. After all, she wants to feel your tenderness – that’s what will help her get aroused. And if passion is already high, then put some sexual chemistry into the kiss!

2. Remember that you can touch her whole body with your lips, tongue and teeth as well as your hands. 

A woman’s entire body surface is an erogenous zone. So any touch you make on her body can cause excitement and arousal.

And though you may want her attention directed to your penis, first take time to kiss and caress her whole body. You can suck, lick or gently biting her earlobes and anywhere else she finds arousing. And don’t forget – kissing a woman’s body gently and seductively is a quick way to turn her on, get her right into her body and help her to get ready for a big orgasm. And there’s nothing more pleasing than that, as you know.

man and woman making love
Good lovers know that whole body kissing and touch is a sure way to please a woman in bed.

3. Looks are important.

A woman needs to know that she turns you on. One way to help her know this is to give her that special male look which says “I’m going to take you, make you mine, and rip your soul apart with sexual pleasure…. How do you feel about that?”

This gaze is probably the most striking human courting ploy. It’s eye language. In Western cultures, where eye contact between the sexes is permitted, men and women often stare intently at potential mates for about two to three seconds during which their pupils may dilate—a sign of extreme interest. Then the starer drops his or her eyelids and looks away. Read more here. 

Research shows that after five years, one in five marriages is sexless (defined as having sex less than 10 times a year). So it’s even more important to know how to really pleasure your woman if you’ve been married for a long time. That way you get to continue enjoying exciting and satisfying sex in a faithful loving relationship.

4. Undress her slowly and seductively.

Undressing a woman slowly can be very arousing for her – provided she’s confident about the way her body looks.

Loads of women seem to have hangups about their bodies. You need to be sensitive to this. Until she’s confident, she may feel better if she snuggles under the sheets before she takes her clothes off.

This is all part of being a good lover and knowing how to create the sexual situation that will allow you to truly please your woman in bed. When you show sensitivity, she knows you care about her, she gets aroused, reaches orgasm, and enjoys plenty of sexual satisfaction.

Man undressing his lover slowly
Undressing her slowly is sensual and pleasurable for you both.

5. Don’t forget her nipples are a great way to get her aroused.

Nipples are designed to be responsive to a mouth, so make sure you suck gently, kiss, lick them. You might also want to asks her so you know what she’d like you to do with them!

A few women don’t really like nipple play, but in general, playing with a woman’s breasts and nipples is a good way to turn her on.

And you might find she likes it when you put the flat of your hand against one breast while you’re stimulating the other. But the best way to find out what she wants you to do with her breasts (and everything else) is to ask her – and then remember what she likes for the next time!

6. Remember that foreplay is vitally important when you’re with a woman in bed.

Indeed, for most women it’s just as important as penetration and intercourse.

Foreplay is about lavishing attention on a woman all over her body. It’s also about getting into her mind. You can do this with your sheer male magnetism, or by staring deeply into her eyes and telling her without words about the love, respect, admiration, trust and desire you feel for her. 

6. Be sensitive about stimulating her clitoris before and during intercourse.

You might think the best way to make a woman orgasm is to pound away inside her for as long as it takes for her to scream with joy. That’s what porn films tell us. But that’s not – emphatically – what most women find pleasurable.

Most women want clitoral attention  to get sexual pleasure. The clitoris is the main source of pleasure for nearly all women during sex.

When you make love to an aroused woman, you know how exciting it is. Well, women say that making love to an aroused man consumed with desire for her is just as exciting. So make sure she feels your arousal. 

sensitive picture of man pleasuring a woman in bed
Clitoral pleasure is what women say they want most in bed…. and if you know how to do it well, oral pleasuring can be very satisfying for her.

And don’t forget that intercourse – i.e. penetrative sex – doesn’t have to follow on immediately from foreplay. Simply cuddling together when you’re naked can be very pleasurable for both of you. For women especially, the eroticism of being naked with a partner is a powerful aspect of sexual satisfaction.

Feeling her man inside her is really important and extremely satisfying for a woman who loves her man.  Just think how that feels for you. Not only is it pleasurable, but it’s deeply personal, and it means a great deal in a loving relationship.

Other Turn Ons

What are the other aspects of sex which make up the top 18 female turn-ons?

Well, there’s whispering sweet nothings, sexy talk, and the noises that you make during sex, such as grunting and groaning. These (if sexy) show how much you desire her and how much pleasure you get from making love to her.

Another key to pleasing a woman is making her feel like a sex goddess! Women want to know they’re good in bed, and every woman wants know she’s really pleasing her man. 

If you’re in love, sex much more likely to satisfy both you and your woman in bed. When you’re in love, knowing how to please a woman in bed will soon become second nature. Over time you will get to know each others’ preferences and desires. And sex between two people who are in love and know each other intimately has a special, satisfying quality.

Don’t forget that sexual positions can be important.

Women are often happy to go on top. This sex position can give her a lot of pleasure. She can also control the rhythm and speed of sex. She might even be able to move her clitoris against your body so she reaches orgasm easily. And to achieve this during intercourse is very enjoyable for both of you.

Finally, don’t forget that some women really get off on seeing a man ejaculating – inside her body or not. But do this respectfully. She’s not likely to be very pleased if you ejaculate on her face unless you’ve agreed that first!

In Summary

Knowing how to please a woman sexually is about finding things you both enjoy and which give you satisfaction and make you feel good. 

And when you’ve done your best, you’ve enjoyed total pleasure with each other, you can relax together in bed, in that glorious postcoital state of bliss.

Updated August 24, 2016

Anal Intercourse – Do Women Like It?

There’s an astounding piece of information about how women reach orgasm – and which is the best way to please a woman in bed – reported in

How to satisfy a woman
How good are you at pleasuring a woman? And do you really know how to please a woman in bed?

At first sight, it seems quite incredible: this article is saying that the best way to give a woman an orgasm is through anal intercourse.

When you take a closer look at this, it turns out this conclusion comes from a prestigious USA survey conducted in 2009, the National Survey of Sex and Behavior which involved over 1,900 US adults between 18 and 59 revealing their recent sexual experiences.

What comes out of this has to be taken with a pinch of salt, but it’s looks like anal intercourse can be an important source of pleasure for at least some women.

This conclusion is based on the fact that the number one sex act which appears to reliably produce female orgasm was receiving anal sex: a full 94% of women who enjoyed it reached orgasm when they were received anal.

Now this is startling, and it definitely needs looking at in more detail. I mean, really, if every man who wanted to engage in this act could persuade his woman to do so on the basis that she’d reach orgasm, everyone would be doing it!

Or would they?

You see, even now. despite the male interest in this, as seen in the huge number of porn films which depict it, anal pleasure is a minority sport.

Out of this group of 1,900 American adults, only 31 of the women surveyed had actually taken part in anal sex.

Now that in itself should tell you something: anal is a male fantasy, but not much represented in real life. And that implies it isn’t really an appealing or attractive way to please a woman in bed. In fact, it’s probably more a fantasy than reality for most couples. Certainly for the vast majority of couples.

But the interesting thing is that out of the women who did enjoy it, 94% of them reported achieving orgasm during anal.

Now this is extraordinary – how can this be, when we know that the clitoris is the main source of most women’s orgasms?

Most of the men who claim to know how to please a woman in bed, will tell you that clitoral stimulation is absolutely vital for a woman to reach orgasm. It seems incomprehensible that 94% of women receiving anal would reach orgasm just through stimulation of that region of the body alone.

And of course what the statistics don’t tell us is what additional stimulation was taking place, or how sophisticated is the sexual pleasuring between lovers who regularly engage in this kind of sex play.

To start with, it’s possible that couples who are enjoying anal are much more confident sexually, also perhaps more sexually experienced, and perhaps they spend a great deal more time learning how to pleasure each other.

It’s entirely possible that anal stimulation of one kind or another goes along with effective stimulation of the G spot or the clitoris at the same time.

As the reporting makes clear, there are obviously a load of factors involved.

oral stimulation of clitoris
Clitoral stimulation may be best delivered with lips and tongue…

Does Circumcision Affect Female Pleasure?

One of the most interesting questions that’s come up in recent times about sex between men and women is whether or not male circumcision affects women’s sexual pleasure.

Interestingly enough, although many American women will never have seen an uncircumcised penis, they tend to rate the appearance of circumcised penises as preferable to the appearance of uncircumcised penises. This is hardly surprising, because of course familiarity breeds a kind of expectation with the established status quo.

Women who have enjoyed lovemaking with both circumcised and uncircumcised penises have a different opinion.

But let’s start with the comfort of sex. One medical survey found that women who had sex with uncircumcised men experience better lubrication. They also experience greater persistence of lubrication.

On a comparative scale of 0 to 10, they rated men as sexual partners. And those who had not been circumcised were rated as 8, and circumcised men were rated at 2. A massive difference.

With circumcised partners women were much less likely to experience vaginal orgasm. Also circumcised men seem to be more likely to ejaculate prematurely.

So again, we see that both male and female sexual pleasure, and a man’s ability to please a woman during lovemaking, is reduced by circumcision.

On the face of it, this is compelling evidence that circumcision is a disadvantage not only to men but also to women. This is an extraordinary finding, bearing in mind that circumcision has been routine and commonplace so many years.

Of course, the cut is course dying out in America and other westernized countries. Even so, it’s fascinating that the medical establishment has managed to medicalize the act of circumcision for so long.

They have portrayed circumcision as “a good thing”, when the human body is perfectly designed for perfect sex as it is.

So why, then, would circumcision make such difference to pleasure that men and women feel during lovemaking?

Well…. it’s actually not difficult to understand this. The foreskin is a movable double-layered sleeve. During intercourse it has the ability to move up and down over the head of the penis and indeed also up and down the penile shaft. This lets it act like a return valve to prevent female lubrication leaving the vagina during intercourse. And as we all know, lubricated sex is pleasurable sex!

Researchers have shown that in cut men, the skin of the penile shaft moves directly against the vaginal wall. This increases friction, and produces an increased need for artificial lubrication.

What of male sexual pleasure? It’s certainly possible that circumcised men have less sensitivity in the penile glans, due to the keratinization of the glans.

Some men undergo foreskin restoration. When restored, they all speak of a better level of satisfaction and pleasure and more comfort with their newly-moist glans.

They say this feels better. Sex is not, it seems, improved by years of exposure of the circumcised penis head to clothing and to the drying nature of the atmosphere.

Finally, sexually experienced women with experience of both circumcised men and uncircumcised men have an opinion that matters. They say they are less likely to feel appreciated, and more likely to feel frustrated and discontented with sex when their partner is circumcised.

Why circumcision is bad for men too.

One of the biggest misconceptions about circumcision is that it simply removes the skin covering the head of the penis – this is completely false.

In fact male circumcision removes between a third and half of all the penile skin. It also removes most of the fine nervous cell receptors in the penile skin covering the glans.

And this seems even more astounding when we learn that historically, circumcision of the male penis was introduced as a method of preventing masturbation!

This means that a measure originally designed to reduce male sexual pleasure now has the perverse effect of reducing both male and female sexual pleasure!

In this day and age there is no justifiable reason for circumcision. Even the classic explanation for this mutilation of the male body – that it’s hygienic and can prevent penile cancer – is nonsense. Penile cancer is extremely rare anyway.

The tip of the foreskin and frenulum, which are routinely removed during circumcision, contain a high concentration of nerve endings known as fine touch receptors. These provide a lot of the pleasure men receive during sex.

And indeed we also know that when a penis has been circumcised, the surface of the glans thickens and keratinizes. This reduces pleasure and makes self-pleasuring difficult without lube.

Previous researchers only looked at the sensitivity of the penile glans before and after circumcision. So it’s possible they missed the role of the foreskin in providing pleasure. This anomaly seems to have misled people about the effects of circumcision because only the sensitivity of the glans was being compared before and after circumcision.

But now we know there are many fine touch receptors in the foreskin. They are responsible for much of a man’s sexual pleasure. They are also responsible for triggering ejaculation.

Sidebar: Previous work which has claimed that women prefer to have sexual intercourse with circumcised man has been discredited. This is because very few of the women in the study had actually had experience of sexual intercourse with both circumcised and uncircumcised men! As you can imagine, this completely invalidates the research.

One study revealed that 6 out of every 7 women preferred intact, uncircumcised men as their sexual partners. Reference.

And it turns out that women are more likely to have vaginal orgasms with men who are uncircumcised. This is hardly surprising. Stimulation of the G spot from the movement of the foreskin on the penile head can provide a woman with enough stimulation to bring her to orgasm during intercourse.

Indeed, it turns out that women who prefer uncircumcised male partners for sexual intercourse are actually more likely to have their first orgasm with an uncircumcised man.

There is little or no doubt that women prefer vaginal intercourse with an anatomically complete penis.  This is both a matter of greater comfort and natural stimulation of the internal G spot. And for a man, too, intercourse is undoubtedly more pleasurable when he has a foreskin.

Myths and Facts About Sexual Pleasure

For those of us who’ve had plenty of sexual experience, a couple of studies about sexual pleasure published in 2012 in the Journal of Sexual Medicine might not be a complete surprise.

Size – Does it Please Women?

The first of them is that apparently size –  yes, I’m talking about penis size! – does matter, at least to some women.

We must be careful about any article published online. There’s always pressure on researchers to find subjects to write about and articles to publish, but let’s take this at face value. (The risk is of dubious science, in other words!)

The researcher in question, Stuart Brody, defined the average length of an erect penis as 5.8 inches, which completely agrees with my own research.

He then asked women if they experienced more sexual pleasure with men who had a longer or shorter penis than average.

He found that women had more vaginal orgasms during intercourse  when they were making love with men who had longer-than-average penises.

Now I’ll say straight away that there are a number of problems for me around this. One is the implication that men with a longer than average penis tend to please their women more in bed.

Man and woman staring at each other in bed
Does she prefer penis length over girth? Or does she just care that a man knows how to please her in bed?

To start with, there have been previous studies which demonstrate that women find penis girth more important than penis length in terms of sexual pleasure. That certainly has a logic to it, because penile girth would stretch the opening of the vagina more. This might well produce more sensation than penile length.

On the other hand, a longer penis can stimulate the cervix. And that’s known to be an essential trigger for blended orgasms. This is a kind of orgasm which results in stimulation of not only the pelvic (clitoral) nerve but the pudendal (genital) nerve as well. Blended orgasms feel much more sexually satisfying for a woman.

On the other hand, women who experience vaginal orgasms tend to be sexually experienced. This implies that quality of orgasm may be a function of the time a woman spends developing her sexuality and sexual responsiveness.

So it remains only a possibility that penis size influences a woman’s ability to reach orgasm during intercourse.

In fact, there are many more possible explanations for female pleasure than penis size. For instance men with bigger penises might feel naturally more confident with women. They might have a different psychological and emotional approach to sex which is more likely to please a woman in bed or which may simply arouse women more. 

In other words, it may not be penis size alone that enables a man to pleasure a woman sexually in bed. It may be something associated with it such as greater self-confidence, or greater sexual experience on the part of the man.

As the researcher concluded, male anxiety about penis size may not reflect cultural stereotype. In fact it may be an accurate, if unconscious, appreciation that size does matter to women.

What If You Want to Give Pleasure To A Woman?

If you are a man with a smaller penis than average, you can always level the playing field by making yourself an expert at pleasuring women in bed.

You can research the best sexual techniques for the woman you’re with. You can learn new ways to please her in bed.

Don’t allow your confidence be eroded by the thought of what other men are packing in their pants. Instead, develop greater self-confidence and become an expert in sexual techniques.

Side by side lovemaking
Small penis? Learn how to please her… Your size is less important than your ability to bring her to orgasm!

Top of the list of skills that a man needs to be able to please his partner is knowing ways to make a woman come

That’s what you must be good at. If you are, and you’re also sensitive to her emotional needs, you need never worry about having a small penis. What a woman really wants from her man is to have a sexual connection in which she is cherished above all else. She wants to be deeply loved and to be pleasured in bed.

Vaginal and Clitoral Orgasms 

The same journal – The Journal Of Sexual Medicine – published information in April 2012 suggesting there was “sensational” new evidence about the female orgasm. This article suggested that vaginal and clitoral orgasms are completely different types of orgasm, and that involve different parts of the brain.

This contrasts with so much information put out on the Internet saying vaginal orgasms are some kind of variation of a normal clitoral orgasm.

man and woman in bed making love
Start at her head and work downwards, giving both her clitoris and vagina attention – that way, she gets the most pleasure!

A common idea is that stimulating the inside of the vagina with a finger is simply stimulating a part of the clitoris which outside the vagina.

However, we know the G spot has a different nerve supply to the clitoris. (That’s the pudendal versus the pelvic nerve respectively.) It’s also quite likely that these different nerve pathways produce different orgasmic sensations in women and men alike.

The deeper pleasure a man gets from prostate stimulation could perhaps be equivalent to the stimulation of the G spot in women.

And maybe it doesn’t matter whether this is true or not, so long as a woman receives the sexual pleasuring she needs? 

And, if you’re a woman who wants to enjoy vaginal orgasms, then please find out about the G spot and how to stimulate it. Both you and your man need to know how you can be stimulated most pleasurably in bed.

So what are these “sensational” conclusions?

Well, women can reach orgasm from both vaginal and clitoral stimulation. Yes, no surprise there.

(Some experts have suggested that the sensitive G spot, can actually reduce pain during birth / labor. You’ll know that if you’ve read about orgasmic birth on the Internet.)

And also, women who can obtain sexual pleasure through vaginal stimulation may have better physical and mental health than other women. No doubt.

Third: to contrast the two sides of this story: French gynaecologist Odile Buisson has said that stimulating the inside of the vagina is in fact a form of clitoral stimulation. While Stuart Brody, the psychologist at the University of West Scotland who was responsible for this research takes another view entirely. He says that  spreading the idea women can only be pleasured to orgasm by stimulation of the clitoris is “malpractice”.

And Emmanuele Jannini, who is a professor of endocrinology at an Italian university, has another view. He says this is important work for women, but obsessively searching for proof of the G spot orgasm will reduce the happiness and pleasure women get from sex.

In the end, of course, all that really matters is that a man knows how to please his woman and is sensitive to her needs.

Attractiveness and Relationships

Anthony Little of the University of Liverpool and his colleagues conducted a study in which he investigated attractiveness. They looked at the characteristics which men and women find attractive for either a short term relationship or a long-term relationship.

They showed images of 10 individuals of the opposite sex to 133 women and 127 men. They then asked these participants to rate these images for their attractiveness for a short-term or long-term relationship.

They did this for the face and the body separately, and then for the overall image of the whole person.

This is fascinating: it strikes right at the heart of what men and women find attractive in each other when they’re looking to form a relationship. By inference, it also gives us a clue as to what’s really important in appearance to men and women in an ongoing relationship.

Physical attractiveness
Just how attractive does someone of the opposite sex have to be to seem desirable?

Do we choose somebody for a long-term relationship on the basis of certain aspects of their physical appearance? If so, you’re very likely to want those characteristics present in your ongoing relationship. They are the things which please you.

There are, no doubt, hundreds of reasons why people choose each other as potential partners. Physical appearance is only one of these, but let’s have a look at what the researchers found.

Interestingly enough, the participants’ ratings of someone’s facial appearance and attractiveness were most important. This was a much better indication of what people thought about that person’s relationship potential than the physical attractiveness of their body.

I suppose that makes sense – it’s your partner’s face which you see most often. But even so, surely the appearance of the body is important too? I would think that to be true for men in particular. I suspect not many men would preferentially choose a partner who was obese, for example.

Appearance and attractiveness
Facial appearance comes before bodily appearance in ranking potential partners

2-1 (2)

This experiment confirmed that body cues provide a number of types of information about a person. This information is taken into account when selecting a mate. It’s explicit or implied information about fertility, strength, athleticism, and so on and so forth.

Although these factors may not necessarily be taken into account consciously, they’re probably biologically programmed into all of us in our choice of mate. They would certainly have been very important during our evolution in ancient environments.

Powerful, masculine and strong men may have the best genes, making them more likely to survive or be dominant males. And dominance means the chance to reproduce more, and produce better offspring with a greater chance of survival. That might be why women want to mate with them.

And indeed, things such as muscularity and physical fitness may still have importance even today. They may act as signals of social dominance, at least in some social groups and levels of society.

The research showed that men thought the appearance of a woman’s body was much more important for short-term relationships than for long-term relationships. This is hardly surprising since men are sexually drawn to the physical appearance of a woman.

Perhaps only in a longer term relationship would a man be more willing to take into account the overall appearance of his partner and her other, non-physical qualities.

In other words, a man’s assessment of physical attractiveness changes with the kind of relationship he is looking for.

Also – they discovered that an individual’s body has to be above a certain level of attractiveness before it even starts to influence the person’s perceived overall attractiveness.

Basically, what this all amounts to is that for a long-term relationship, facial attractiveness is more important than bodily attractiveness for both sexes.

Age, Experience and Sexual Potential

We miss many things as we sit watching porn on the Internet, masturbating to ourselves while our partner sleeps in the other room. We miss the beauty of sex in a relationship that is heartwarming, intimate and connected. We miss the beauty of the person to whom we could be making love if we weren’t masturbating to porn.

The Difficulties of Sexual Pleasure

You see, knowing how to please a woman isn’t just about technique. Neither is it about who your partner is and whether you find her sexually attractive. It’s about who you are. 

Let me explain.

The best sex comes through intimacy. We know that one of the things women want in bed from their man is an emotional connection as well as a physical connection. (Read why here.)

Yet intimacy is impossible without disclosing yourself – opening your heart, and showing who you truly are during sex.

Just consider this: one expression of sexual intimacy involves opening your eyes and letting your partner look into them as you climax. Does that seem conceivable or inconceivable to you? And if you can’t imagine doing this, how intimate can you truly be during lovemaking?

Age Changes Things

As you undoubtedly know, male adolescence is the time when men have the quickest erections, the fastest ejaculations, and are ready to “go again” in the shortest time.

But how many adolescent boys truly know the meaning of real masculinity. How many of them know who they are or what their position in life is? And how long do most adolescent relationships last?

Do you think there’s a connection there between the undeveloped adolescent self and the inability to hold down a long relationship in adulthood?

And yet, of course, you might well be saying “Sure – but some adult relationships don’t last very long either.”

And yes, by the time a man has found out who he is and how to be intimate, he should be adept at pleasuring women. So why do adult relationships break up as well as well as teenage ones?

How to satisfy a woman
How good are you at pleasuring a woman?

It’s a reasonable question, at least on the surface of it. But most adult relationships which come to an end breakup for one of two reasons. Either the partners aren’t doing enough work on themselves to find out who they are, or they haven’t established the kind of intimacy that will satisfy a woman in bed.

The fact is, the kind of sex which is deeply satisfying to women is determined more by your emotional and physical maturity than anything else.

Of course people worry about aging. And of course men worry about penis size and the hardness of their erections. Women worry about stretch marks, their sagging skin, and varicose veins. So on the face of it, you might think advancing age was a handicap, a disadvantage. You might think it something which hinders the enjoyment of your own sexuality and your ability to give pleasure to your partner in bed.

But when you think like this, you’re seeing sex as something which implies physical attractiveness is everything. That’s an image  forced upon us by the media and wider culture in which we live.

The reality is that the kind of sex to please your woman in bed is the product of intimacy and emotional maturity which has developed with age. You grow into a knowing of what women want in bed. You grow into a knowing of which things will turn a woman on and satisfy her sexually.

You might be thinking this is just theoretical. You might be thinking that in reality bodies matter. They are, after all, what attract people to each other.

Physical Pleasure Or Emotional Connection?

Here’s another view. Consider the possibility that some people – maybe you – focus on their physical sensations during sexual activity to avoid the emotional connection with their partner.

Could you to take a step beyond this framework? Could you move into a place where love, passion, commitment and intimacy are more important?

After all, you’ve probably have experienced passionate and intimate sex at least once or twice in your life. You might even remember how good it was. How would it be to recapture that experience? Satisfying? Fulfilling?

Our tendency – yes, in every one of us – is to forget about the kind of sex which can be incredibly satisfying and fulfilling. We simply to put up with what happens to us as a default position later in life.

This is because people don’t go beyond a limited viewpoint of the physicality of sex and orgasm.

The truth is, women and men alike are capable of having sex which integrates physical feeling and emotional highs. Sometimes achieving that kind of sex can feel spiritual in nature.

You probably know you have to be sexually aroused to a certain level before you can orgasm. That’s the level of arousal which represents your particular trigger point for orgasm.

That’s the basis on which most people make love. Sure, it’s satisfying enough for most people. But this trigger point is reached with a combination of the physical and the mental. That is friction to the genitals plus the various thoughts and feelings (such as fantasies) which go through your mind as your arousal increases.

This simple equation means your sexual potential (and your potential for pleasure) is very much greater than you might currently realize.

Your pleasure potential can be brought into reality in two ways. You can either change the level of physical stimulation you receive or you can change the nature of the thoughts, feelings and emotions you experience during sex.

Only when you experience more intense and satisfying sex than you’ve ever done before will you begin to understand how much of your sexual potential has NOT been expressed up to this point in your life!

Next, we’ll look at the effect of aging on sexual potential.

Video – women and aging – sexuality


Video – men and aging – sexuality

As you get older, feelings and thoughts – the mental aspect of sex – replace your physical sexual drive as the most important way of getting turned on. That’s why you need to explore your sexual potential if you wish to keep sexual pleasure as a fundamental part of your life as you get older.

This allows you to explore your sexual potential, maximize it, and continue expressing your sexuality. This way, you can please your partner and continue getting the greatest possible fulfillment from sex.

As men age they need longer to reach full erection, and their ejaculations are weaker. Oddly enough, menopausal women may experience reduced sensitivity to touch.

These changes begin earlier than you might expect. You might already have noticed yourself how sex is beginning to feel different if you’re beyond 40 years of age.

Sexual pleasure is harder to achieve in your fifites
While sex is just as pleasurable in your forties and fifties as it was in your twenties and thirties, getting aroused may take longer.

There are advantages, of course, to aging. Men with premature ejaculation can last a lot longer during sex as they get older. Indeed, they may find their expertise at delaying orgasm is increased so much they can’t even reach the level of stimulation needed to trigger an orgasm at all.

And what that means, as you may imagine, is failure to ejaculate and probably erectile dysfunction. This seems to be quite a common problem.

Fear of Change

Changes in sex drive with age can be frightening
Changes in sex drive with age can be frightening.

It’s natural for us to be frightened of change in our sexual drive; it’s such a fundamental part of who we are. When you experience your sexual drive beginning to decrease, you may well retreat from sex at all, because of your fear.

This means you have less contact with your partner both physically and emotionally. And that further diminishes the level of stimulation that you’re getting.  This can become a vicious cycle which results in the complete loss of sex within a relationship.

The solution for this is in fact more intimacy, not less. Some older men and women confirm sex is better when they seek new or different experiences. And we’re not necessarily talking about people in their 60s or beyond. We’re also talking about people in their 40s and 50s.

In short, you may begin to despair about connecting during sex or enjoying good sex. But that’s the time to adapt and expand your sexual potential. Then you start to feel the joy of sex driven by intimacy rather than by biological desire.

There are three components of your mental activity which can offset any decline in hormones and physical response to stimulation.

By focusing on these three components of your sexual potential, you can ensure that sex is as pleasing as it always has been.

You can also ensure that your woman continues to love the things you do in bed. And as a man you can be more pleased than you ever have been with your sex life.

And feeling like that about sex and your ability to pleasure a woman means greater self-esteem, pride and confidence as a man.

Three Components Of Sexual Potential

Eroticism, Desire Passion and Love, Emotional Connection


Eroticism is the feeling of sexiness that you get when you’re aroused. It’s your response to what turns you on. It’s that feeling of sexiness which comes over you.

Desire Passion and Love

In general sexual desire is a kind of energy. It adds to the total level of stimulation you feel, the energy which makes you want to have sex. But this element of your sexual potential is all about the desire that you feel during sex – in other words, passion. It’s related to love, rather than sheer sexual drive.

Emotional Connection

This is one of the most important elements of your sexual potential. It’s about making a deeper emotional connection with your partner. During sex this will contribute to high stimulation. That’s the kind of stimulation which gets you to (and beyond) the point of arousal where you will reach orgasm.

You can even express your feeling of connection to your partner through the kind of sexual behavior you’re enjoying at any particular time.

What does this mean in practical terms ?

You can use this way of looking at sex to raise your arousal. In fact, raise it far beyond the point where you reach orgasm. This can help you maintain great sexual function throughout your life.

This way of looking at sex can help you explore your sexual potential