We miss many things as we sit watching porn on the Internet, masturbating to ourselves while our partner sleeps in the other room. We miss the beauty of sex in a relationship that is heartwarming, intimate and connected. We miss the beauty of the person to whom we could be making love if we weren’t masturbating to porn.
The Difficulties of Sexual Pleasure
You see, knowing how to please a woman isn’t just about technique. Neither is it about who your partner is and whether you find her sexually attractive. It’s about who you are.
Let me explain.
The best sex comes through intimacy. We know that one of the things women want in bed from their man is an emotional connection as well as a physical connection. (Read why here.)
Yet intimacy is impossible without disclosing yourself – opening your heart, and showing who you truly are during sex.
Just consider this: one expression of sexual intimacy involves opening your eyes and letting your partner look into them as you climax. Does that seem conceivable or inconceivable to you? And if you can’t imagine doing this, how intimate can you truly be during lovemaking?
Age Changes Things
As you undoubtedly know, male adolescence is the time when men have the quickest erections, the fastest ejaculations, and are ready to “go again” in the shortest time.
But how many adolescent boys truly know the meaning of real masculinity. How many of them know who they are or what their position in life is? And how long do most adolescent relationships last?
Do you think there’s a connection there between the undeveloped adolescent self and the inability to hold down a long relationship in adulthood?
And yet, of course, you might well be saying “Sure – but some adult relationships don’t last very long either.”
And yes, by the time a man has found out who he is and how to be intimate, he should be adept at pleasuring women. So why do adult relationships break up as well as well as teenage ones?
It’s a reasonable question, at least on the surface of it. But most adult relationships which come to an end breakup for one of two reasons. Either the partners aren’t doing enough work on themselves to find out who they are, or they haven’t established the kind of intimacy that will satisfy a woman in bed.
The fact is, the kind of sex which is deeply satisfying to women is determined more by your emotional and physical maturity than anything else.
Of course people worry about aging. And of course men worry about penis size and the hardness of their erections. Women worry about stretch marks, their sagging skin, and varicose veins. So on the face of it, you might think advancing age was a handicap, a disadvantage. You might think it something which hinders the enjoyment of your own sexuality and your ability to give pleasure to your partner in bed.
But when you think like this, you’re seeing sex as something which implies physical attractiveness is everything. That’s an image forced upon us by the media and wider culture in which we live.
The reality is that the kind of sex to please your woman in bed is the product of intimacy and emotional maturity which has developed with age. You grow into a knowing of what women want in bed. You grow into a knowing of which things will turn a woman on and satisfy her sexually.
You might be thinking this is just theoretical. You might be thinking that in reality bodies matter. They are, after all, what attract people to each other.
Physical Pleasure Or Emotional Connection?
Here’s another view. Consider the possibility that some people – maybe you – focus on their physical sensations during sexual activity to avoid the emotional connection with their partner.
Could you to take a step beyond this framework? Could you move into a place where love, passion, commitment and intimacy are more important?
After all, you’ve probably have experienced passionate and intimate sex at least once or twice in your life. You might even remember how good it was. How would it be to recapture that experience? Satisfying? Fulfilling?
Our tendency – yes, in every one of us – is to forget about the kind of sex which can be incredibly satisfying and fulfilling. We simply to put up with what happens to us as a default position later in life.
This is because people don’t go beyond a limited viewpoint of the physicality of sex and orgasm.
The truth is, women and men alike are capable of having sex which integrates physical feeling and emotional highs. Sometimes achieving that kind of sex can feel spiritual in nature.
You probably know you have to be sexually aroused to a certain level before you can orgasm. That’s the level of arousal which represents your particular trigger point for orgasm.
That’s the basis on which most people make love. Sure, it’s satisfying enough for most people. But this trigger point is reached with a combination of the physical and the mental. That is friction to the genitals plus the various thoughts and feelings (such as fantasies) which go through your mind as your arousal increases.
This simple equation means your sexual potential (and your potential for pleasure) is very much greater than you might currently realize.
Your pleasure potential can be brought into reality in two ways. You can either change the level of physical stimulation you receive or you can change the nature of the thoughts, feelings and emotions you experience during sex.
Only when you experience more intense and satisfying sex than you’ve ever done before will you begin to understand how much of your sexual potential has NOT been expressed up to this point in your life!
Next, we’ll look at the effect of aging on sexual potential.
Video – women and aging – sexuality
Video – men and aging – sexuality
As you get older, feelings and thoughts – the mental aspect of sex – replace your physical sexual drive as the most important way of getting turned on. That’s why you need to explore your sexual potential if you wish to keep sexual pleasure as a fundamental part of your life as you get older.
This allows you to explore your sexual potential, maximize it, and continue expressing your sexuality. This way, you can please your partner and continue getting the greatest possible fulfillment from sex.
As men age they need longer to reach full erection, and their ejaculations are weaker. Oddly enough, menopausal women may experience reduced sensitivity to touch.
These changes begin earlier than you might expect. You might already have noticed yourself how sex is beginning to feel different if you’re beyond 40 years of age.
There are advantages, of course, to aging. Men with premature ejaculation can last a lot longer during sex as they get older. Indeed, they may find their expertise at delaying orgasm is increased so much they can’t even reach the level of stimulation needed to trigger an orgasm at all.
And what that means, as you may imagine, is failure to ejaculate and probably erectile dysfunction. This seems to be quite a common problem.
Fear of Change
It’s natural for us to be frightened of change in our sexual drive; it’s such a fundamental part of who we are. When you experience your sexual drive beginning to decrease, you may well retreat from sex at all, because of your fear.
This means you have less contact with your partner both physically and emotionally. And that further diminishes the level of stimulation that you’re getting. This can become a vicious cycle which results in the complete loss of sex within a relationship.
The solution for this is in fact more intimacy, not less. Some older men and women confirm sex is better when they seek new or different experiences. And we’re not necessarily talking about people in their 60s or beyond. We’re also talking about people in their 40s and 50s.
In short, you may begin to despair about connecting during sex or enjoying good sex. But that’s the time to adapt and expand your sexual potential. Then you start to feel the joy of sex driven by intimacy rather than by biological desire.
There are three components of your mental activity which can offset any decline in hormones and physical response to stimulation.
By focusing on these three components of your sexual potential, you can ensure that sex is as pleasing as it always has been.
You can also ensure that your woman continues to love the things you do in bed. And as a man you can be more pleased than you ever have been with your sex life.
And feeling like that about sex and your ability to pleasure a woman means greater self-esteem, pride and confidence as a man.
Three Components Of Sexual Potential
Eroticism, Desire Passion and Love, Emotional Connection
Eroticism is the feeling of sexiness that you get when you’re aroused. It’s your response to what turns you on. It’s that feeling of sexiness which comes over you.
Desire Passion and Love
In general sexual desire is a kind of energy. It adds to the total level of stimulation you feel, the energy which makes you want to have sex. But this element of your sexual potential is all about the desire that you feel during sex – in other words, passion. It’s related to love, rather than sheer sexual drive.
This is one of the most important elements of your sexual potential. It’s about making a deeper emotional connection with your partner. During sex this will contribute to high stimulation. That’s the kind of stimulation which gets you to (and beyond) the point of arousal where you will reach orgasm.
You can even express your feeling of connection to your partner through the kind of sexual behavior you’re enjoying at any particular time.
What does this mean in practical terms ?
You can use this way of looking at sex to raise your arousal. In fact, raise it far beyond the point where you reach orgasm. This can help you maintain great sexual function throughout your life.
This way of looking at sex can help you explore your sexual potential